a girl and her boy

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Tag Archives: divorce

I am the luckiest.

As Ben Folds puts it, I’m the luckiest.

On my way home from tutoring last night, I called AT because I knew he’d probably be free, and would appreciate the story I had to share regarding a conversation I had with my student’s father after the session ended (short story there:  Me:  “This tool saves trees!”  Father:  “I don’t care about the trees, they’re a crop to make money off of,” and, “It must rankle you that global warming was disproved, huh.” *growl*) and we ended up on the phone for close to an hour. We talked just like we did before the separation, except we’re not “together” anymore. It was awesome.

It took a while for our communication to become free and easy after the separation, mostly because we feared hurting each other with news of our growth and adventures. We both moved on quickly, and began dating other people within a few months. Neither of us said anything about dating other people for a while because, well, we felt guilty about it. (Shouldn’t we? I mean, we were together for 6 years. Wouldn’t moving on quickly seem to say that it meant nothing?)

We both realized that though our relationship was *good*, and we were both content and committed, we weren’t as happy as we could be. And the love we gave each other was the most either of us had ever received from anyone before in our lives. When I woke up one morning last winter and realized that I needed something more and that I needed to move on, I thought I was being self-destructive “throwing away” the best thing I’ve ever had.

After our time apart, and growing as individuals, and dating others, we realized that we are both incredibly happy with our new lives. I am with a man that makes me incredibly happy. I feel fulfilled and enthusiastic about life. And AT found someone who makes him feel the same way. And we are still friends; not just friends, but best friends.

How many people can say that their ex-spouse is still one of their best friends?

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Words of Wisdom

After months of silence, I’m rather talkative. I came across the following words that struck a chord in me and I wanted to share them:

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

Leonardo da Vinci

I feel strong, but tired. I feel confident, but worried. I will conquer these challenges, but I don’t know how. I will survive and become better and wiser from these challenges. It will just take time and patience and diligence.

The Time Warp.

One of the greatest challenges of being newly single is how to spend all that time that just appeared out of nowhere. Seriously, where did all this time go when I was in a relationship? Is there some kind of time warp that sucks it all up? If anyone knows, I’m very curious. I’ll post the best explanation of this phenomenon later this week.

In taking advantage of this massive volume of free time, I’ve ratcheted up my activity levels:  I’ve read 3 books this week, ran 10 miles worth of quick runs plus a long run of close to 6 miles yesterday, completed an amazing short day hike of about 8 miles on Saturday (more on that later in the post), and cleaned my house top to bottom, twice. I’ve never been more busy doing stuff I like doing, yes, even the cleaning!, than before.

However, somewhere around the edges of these activities lurks a beast. It’s a fearsome, loathsome creature and the bane of all people across the globe:  loneliness. Am I keeping busy to keep from being lonely? Or am I simply doing that which I love for the intrinsic value of it? Does it really matter? I enjoy it. But, there is that loneliness that sneaks up and punches me in the face with bitter tears from time to time. ‘Tis but a stepping stone on the path of my new life, I remind myself; but it still sucks.

In those moments of utter and complete loneliness, I try to remember that (1) I’m really not alone. I have two handfuls of really good and close friends I talk to on a regular basis. Plus, I have lots of folks to chat with and keep tabs on via Facebook (I adore Facebook!). (2) I’m an amazing person with incredible interests and hobbies and now is the best time to indulge in them. (3) Happiness is a choice.

Of all the things I try to remember, number three is the hardest to live by and keep at the forefront of my thoughts. It’s human nature to indulge in self-pity rather than seek and focus on joy, but I’m working on it. I really am.

While increasing my focus on the good and my personal interests, I took myself out on a hike to Mount Pisgah on the tower trail Saturday morning. Bauer, my rent-a-pup, came with me. He was a happy dog. He wriggled and romped and got muddy feet and didn’t care. He was loving life and exuded it snout to tail. He didn’t have to keep chanting the mantra of I choose to live in the moment and be happy. He just did it. What an amazing way to live.

The sunlight through the trees cast beautiful shadows on the forest floor. I sought photo opportunities as a way to train myself to see the gems strewn throughout life. Dorothea Lange said, “[a] camera is an instrument that teaches people how to see without a camera.” I’m working on it. I’m getting there. I’m making progress. It’d be helpful if I had a digital SLR, though, instead of my little sidearm point-and-shoot. But, it’s on the list of things to acquire. I’ll get one. And I’ll take the most amazing photos, too. My eye is becoming keener on the joys of life.

(I’ll update the post later to include photos. At school without access to my images.)

Recent Developments

As you can imagine, a lot of changes have been happening in the space between this and last post; most of the changes were happening within.

I’m not going into the details of the separation or why I chose to move on, but I will tell you this:  it was the best decision I have ever made. I feel free. I feel alive. I’m beginning to live the life I always wanted to but couldn’t because of the rut my relationship was in for years.

In the last month I got back on the road running and biking (and dropped 17 lbs.), I kicked my professional life up a few notches, became a road warrior after buying a car,  cut and highlighted my hair, and bought a few new things for my wardrobe. Yes, perhaps a little too much for the wallet in the recession, but I still have plenty of money to pay my bills and I plan on getting a second job with all this free time that opened up for me. I am not a new woman, I am the woman I always meant to be but haven’t been.

Some of the big things coming around the corner for me are getting a new teaching job and moving (hopefully out of Maine) and when my finances are settled and recovered I’m going to get a dog. Not just any dog though, a gorgeous Weimaraner.

Aww!

Aww!

I’ve always wanted one but my ex didn’t. Phooey on him! I don’t have to worry about his thoughts on the matter any more! I’ve loved Weims for as long as I can remember and they are the perfect breed for my active lifestyle. We’ll keep eachother outside and enjoying life! 🙂

That’s all for now. I just wanted to give everyone a head’s up on what I’ve been up to. I’ll do a more in-depth report of some of my shenanigans soon. 🙂