a girl and her boy

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Tag Archives: life changes

I feel good! Wa-hoo!

I did not anticipate my Internet access cutting out for several days when I decided to blog every day. Oy! Whelp, we’ll just go on from here.

I’ve been feeling better lately. Much better.

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Let's Go

I’ve had a song stuck in my head, softly humming in the back of my mind and this refrain in particular has been haunting:  We need a big push / To reach the right conclusion / So we can get there / If we’re really going / If we’re really going / Let’s go. (Lisa Loeb, “Kick Start”)

Action.

Movement.

Power.

If we’re really going. Let’s go.

It’s no secret I’ve been a mess lately. Emoti0nally. Physically. My entire life has felt like one big mess untangling just enough to become another big mess. I don’t want that anymore. I’m sick of it. And it’s made me sick.

Trying so hard / To dig ourselves out / Cause we’re stuck and we’re scared / And we’re thinking / Things have to change

I’ve struggled with fear since I was a child. With the various things that happened, I learned not to trust, and to fear. Everything was always a mess. Everything was a big hassle. And there was always something to fear. And here I am, 28 years old and still TRAPPED by fear and distrust. I don’t want that anymore.

It’s just more of the same / Again and again and again

What we all know about change is that it is SCARY. It takes faith and trust, two things I’ve had to get “injections” of from those around me. And I don’t want that anymore.

So here is my next step. My next chapter.

But first, a quick glance back.

I grew up Mormon as some of you know. I have since chosen to step away for my own reasons, but we’ll get to that later. I was hurt and was angry and because of this, I was blinded to some of the good things about it, blinded from some of the lessons.

For example, faith is like a little seed. Plant it. It will grow. (Action is needed. Results follow. Plant grows and becomes stronger.)

And, “according to your faith, be it unto you.”

And that if you act each day according to what you know to be right, doors will open when you need them.

I could go on. But you get the idea. And I’m sure it’s not new to you.

But I forgot these fundamental aspects of life. That life takes FAITH and and that faith is ACTION.

Indiana Jones would never have achieved his goal if he had not taken that scary step forward. And that’s where I am. On the ledge looking out over the abyss. Sweat on my brow. But I’m going to do it.

So let’s go.

So where am I going?

Well, first off, even though it is SCARY, I am putting my health first and seeking the council and help of professionals to take care of these pressing matters. Then I will continue to follow their advice for long-term health and fitness.

And I’m going to stop putting hurdles in my own way and make the rest of my life happen after that.

I’m going to create a vision of what I want my life to look like at the end of this year, at the end of five years, and at the end of my life.

And of course, how I want my life to look at the end of today. Because how you spend each day is, of course, how you spend your life.

As Dr. Nick, as told by Jen, says:  when you wake up each morning, you have a choice:  you can either say:  “Good god, morning,” or, “Good morning, god.”

Don’t let this decision drag on.

After making that decision, the rest is follow through.

Jen asked me to go with her to morning ritual. I’m going. But I’m starting today.

If we’re really going, let’s go.

Words of Wisdom

After months of silence, I’m rather talkative. I came across the following words that struck a chord in me and I wanted to share them:

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

Leonardo da Vinci

I feel strong, but tired. I feel confident, but worried. I will conquer these challenges, but I don’t know how. I will survive and become better and wiser from these challenges. It will just take time and patience and diligence.

Recent Developments

As you can imagine, a lot of changes have been happening in the space between this and last post; most of the changes were happening within.

I’m not going into the details of the separation or why I chose to move on, but I will tell you this:  it was the best decision I have ever made. I feel free. I feel alive. I’m beginning to live the life I always wanted to but couldn’t because of the rut my relationship was in for years.

In the last month I got back on the road running and biking (and dropped 17 lbs.), I kicked my professional life up a few notches, became a road warrior after buying a car,  cut and highlighted my hair, and bought a few new things for my wardrobe. Yes, perhaps a little too much for the wallet in the recession, but I still have plenty of money to pay my bills and I plan on getting a second job with all this free time that opened up for me. I am not a new woman, I am the woman I always meant to be but haven’t been.

Some of the big things coming around the corner for me are getting a new teaching job and moving (hopefully out of Maine) and when my finances are settled and recovered I’m going to get a dog. Not just any dog though, a gorgeous Weimaraner.

Aww!

Aww!

I’ve always wanted one but my ex didn’t. Phooey on him! I don’t have to worry about his thoughts on the matter any more! I’ve loved Weims for as long as I can remember and they are the perfect breed for my active lifestyle. We’ll keep eachother outside and enjoying life! 🙂

That’s all for now. I just wanted to give everyone a head’s up on what I’ve been up to. I’ll do a more in-depth report of some of my shenanigans soon. 🙂

Married!

I’ve been a married woman for 3 days now and I have to tell you, I love it! Granted, nothing significant changed other than being able to file taxes jointly, being able to consolidate our student loans jointly, and having a new last name that will confuse my students for the academic year to come.

But, there’s something special about being married to my best friend.

Those of you who have been following the planning saga since last summer know that getting this organized has been a long and tumultuous process of trying to strike a balance between what we wanted, what family wanted, and what others have done. I think we ultimately went the way that was best for us – simple, elegant, and down-to-earth.

Our vow exchange took place in our home, in our dining room, over tea. Our vows were strikingly similar to the ones previously posted, with a few ad libbed changes. I had to write the gist of what I wanted to say down 20 minutes before people showed up because, despite what I wrote earlier in the day, I was getting nervous. I got really nervous when our friends, Amy and Jared, showed up. And I got even more nervous when the notary arrived. I realized, and voiced to Amy, that I was nervous because although I’ve kissed Allan with people around, I’ve never kissed him in front of others, you know, with people watching!

Sitting here, three days later, I’m so glad that we did the vow exchange the way we did – it is something I’ll remember fondly from that day forward. It’s a very non-traditional approach that satisfied my needs.

The next day was our reception. We couldn’t have asked for better weather! Our wedding day saw rain (very lucky!) and our reception saw a blue sky and big fluffy clouds.

Our closest family and friends arrived in due fashion and we socialized for a bit before we arranged our plates at the brunch buffet. The whole reception was casual and elegant: people were dressed up and felt free to float around the room to talk to others. Many of our guests told me that they appreciated how simple and casual we made the day because it allowed them to really enjoy it.

After brunch, the toast, and photographs outside in the beautiful scenery, we went back in for cake. And what a delicious, scrumptious cake it was! Chocolate cake on the bottom, carrot cake on the top, and cream cheese frosting over the whole thing. And, of course, sheep cake toppers.

I asked Allan tonight what his favorite part of being married is, and his answer was, “having a ring.” Mine, I’d have to say, as I’ve said before, is the continuation of a good thing!

For more photos, view my Picasa Album.

(The images need some serious color correction – I’ll get around to it soon!)

Today's the Day.

Tonight, at 8 pm, I am officially going to be Mrs. Jennifer L. Taylor. I’m not nervous at all. Should I be? I’m going to be marrying the man I love more than apple pie with ice cream, more than chocolate chip pancakes, and get this, more than knitting or reading.

We met with the Notary who will be marrying us last night and we went over some non-traditional vows to pull inspiration. We looked at them and, well, they weren’t for us. Ours go along the lines of:

Him: I promise I’ll take real good care of you, and feed you yummy food, and snuggle real close, and take you on little adventures. I love you the bestest.

Me: I promise to take care of you and to keep your winter basket full of fuzzy things. I promise to snuggle real close. I love you the bestest. Can I keep you?

Him: You can keep me forever. So I can keep you?

Me: Yep. You can keep me forever.

After being together for four years, tonight is more of a continuation of a good thing, not a beginning of a new life. And I like that.

Here’s to marrying my best friend!

I am a busy little bee.

I certainly have been a busy little bee these last few months. I haven’t been posting very often, which is kind of how I expected things to go, so much of my news is new. I’m going to run down the list of what I’ve been up to and then I’ll go from there:

  • I moved out of my apartment into a house in the next town over (I posted pictures of the house) and gathered my stuff that’s been stored at three different locations over the last year or two.
  • As I moved out of my apartment two weeks before we could move into the house, we spent some time visiting family all over Maine.
  • Camp Week with some of Allan’s old friends from high school. That was a bit of an adventure.
  • Settled into the house. While doing this, both the Passat and the van we were using to move had to have their batteries replaced – leaving us stranded both times they went.
  • Finally got some planning done for the Wedding (details later in this post!) and have spent the last few weeks being a road warrior getting stuff ready.
  • And now that I’m settled in the house, I’ve been spending the last week or two at school for 4-5 hours a day doing planning and preparation for the new year.

Phew. I’m tired just typing what I’ve been up to this summer. I’m glad I didn’t add teaching summer school to the mix.

And it’s really no wonder I’ve done very little pleasure reading and very little knitting over the last two months. I’ve been too exhausted to devote mental or physical energy to it.

But now that I’m settled again, I’m back to both. For pleasure reading, I picked up Jeanette Winterson’s book Lighthousekeeping (2004). I have enjoyed Winterson’s work since I read The World and Other Places for literary analysis course in college back in 2001 and this book is no less thrilling, enchanting, moving, and haunting than the others. This novel tells the story of a young orphan, Silver, and her dog, DogJim. After her mother dies, she goes to stay with the lighthousekeeper on the coast of Scotland. There she is raised to appreciate, create, and tell stories. At one point, the lighthousekeeper, Pew, says to Silver: “I can teach you — yes, anybody — what the instruments are for, and the light will flash once every four seconds as it always does, but I must teach you to keep the light. Do you know what that means?” I didn’t. “The stories. That’s what you must learn. The ones I know and the ones I don’t know.” “How can I learn the ones you don’t know?” “Tell them yourself.” This entire novel is truly about the power of storytelling in people’s lives. I haven’t been enchanted by a book like this in a long time.

In knitting news, I picked up the cowl-neck braided-cable vest again a few days ago and made incredible progress. I’m finishing up the back and shoulders and then all that’s left is the cowl and the arm holes. It fits very well. Unfortunately, I don’t have any photos since it’s been dark and rainy the last several weeks, including today.

I’ve also picked up the gift socks again. I had to rip it out, though, as I lost track of where I was and the last three rows had glaring errors. It’s a good thing I’m a process not a product knitter! 🙂

Now, the big project I’ve been working on is planning the Wedding! It’s been forever since I even mentioned it on the blog. I’m getting married Friday evening (Aug. 8th) at my home and the reception is in a neighboring town at a bed and breakfast. A local baker is making our cake, complete with sheep cake toppers and basket-weave designs in the frosting. And, on top of this, the baker is also making sheep chocolates for all of the place settings! The reception will be for brunch, like I’ve been wanting all these months. And as far as the dress goes, I went for the green one I posted so long ago.

So that’s what I’ve been up to. I’ve barely been running but I plan to get back into the habit now that I’m settled and my schedule is starting to get back to normal.

That’s it for now!

Wilson Pond Road

We’re in the house! We don’t have an internet service yet, but we’re getting pretty settled. Posts will continue to be sparse for another week or two. In the meantime, allow me to take you on a quick tour of the house we’re renting. (For more images, click here to view my Picasa album.)

Here is the front of the house. The house-owner’s ex-wife is a talented gardener. The whole front of the house has beautiful flower beds similar to this.

The house has a very settled and country feeling. I love it! Everything is tastefully and well-done.

The apple trees out front will make pies, crisps, and jellies for the fall and winter.

And we get fresh eggs every day.

In addition to apples, we have raspberries and blueberries.

Three-hundred paces down the road from our house, or about four and a half minutes at a leisurely walk, is the public boat landing for the pond. Boats are in and out of here all day long enjoying the summer and the beautiful weather.

I cannot believe this is just down the road from my home.

After the this winter’s hardships, I feel like life is starting to perk up! I fell into my dream home without the repair bills! (I’m renting it from one of my colleagues.) We’ve been in the house for almost a week now and very soon life will settle down and I’ll be able to revive my worn and weary spirit.

Here’s to the new home and new year!

I've moved

Not internet presence, luckily, even though that would have been FAR easier than the move I just underwent. Allan had been renting a house with his brother, while I’ve been renting an apartment near where we live now. We now live in one house together. To complete the move, we had to pack up and move stuff from both places.  Unfortunately, when we had to move out of my apartment, it was two weeks before we could move into the place we’re in now. So, most of my stuff is split between two households who were willing to store my stuff. Madness and mayhem.

We’re getting unpacked slowly. It’ll take a while. The house is pretty cool and I’ll post details and photos soon.

The big thing that we’re dealing with is no internet access. I’m sitting in a public library sucking down their free wi-fi right now. I may not be posting regularly again for a week or two. We have to find a provider that services our area and that will not charge us insane amounts.

I’ll be back soon!