I’ve had a song stuck in my head, softly humming in the back of my mind and this refrain in particular has been haunting: We need a big push / To reach the right conclusion / So we can get there / If we’re really going / If we’re really going / Let’s go. (Lisa Loeb, “Kick Start”)
If we’re really going. Let’s go.
It’s no secret I’ve been a mess lately. Emoti0nally. Physically. My entire life has felt like one big mess untangling just enough to become another big mess. I don’t want that anymore. I’m sick of it. And it’s made me sick.
Trying so hard / To dig ourselves out / Cause we’re stuck and we’re scared / And we’re thinking / Things have to change
I’ve struggled with fear since I was a child. With the various things that happened, I learned not to trust, and to fear. Everything was always a mess. Everything was a big hassle. And there was always something to fear. And here I am, 28 years old and still TRAPPED by fear and distrust. I don’t want that anymore.
It’s just more of the same / Again and again and again
What we all know about change is that it is SCARY. It takes faith and trust, two things I’ve had to get “injections” of from those around me. And I don’t want that anymore.
So here is my next step. My next chapter.
But first, a quick glance back.
I grew up Mormon as some of you know. I have since chosen to step away for my own reasons, but we’ll get to that later. I was hurt and was angry and because of this, I was blinded to some of the good things about it, blinded from some of the lessons.
For example, faith is like a little seed. Plant it. It will grow. (Action is needed. Results follow. Plant grows and becomes stronger.)
And, “according to your faith, be it unto you.”
And that if you act each day according to what you know to be right, doors will open when you need them.
I could go on. But you get the idea. And I’m sure it’s not new to you.
But I forgot these fundamental aspects of life. That life takes FAITH and and that faith is ACTION.
Indiana Jones would never have achieved his goal if he had not taken that scary step forward. And that’s where I am. On the ledge looking out over the abyss. Sweat on my brow. But I’m going to do it.
So let’s go.
So where am I going?
Well, first off, even though it is SCARY, I am putting my health first and seeking the council and help of professionals to take care of these pressing matters. Then I will continue to follow their advice for long-term health and fitness.
And I’m going to stop putting hurdles in my own way and make the rest of my life happen after that.
I’m going to create a vision of what I want my life to look like at the end of this year, at the end of five years, and at the end of my life.
And of course, how I want my life to look at the end of today. Because how you spend each day is, of course, how you spend your life.
As Dr. Nick, as told by Jen, says: when you wake up each morning, you have a choice: you can either say: “Good god, morning,” or, “Good morning, god.”
Don’t let this decision drag on.
After making that decision, the rest is follow through.
Jen asked me to go with her to morning ritual. I’m going. But I’m starting today.
If we’re really going, let’s go.