a girl and her boy

. daily life : wool obsession : bibliomania : living on purpose .

There is no try.

Round two.

Okay. I wasn’t done. Remember that fear I mentioned? Well, it got the better of me and I stopped writing before I got to what I really wanted to say and what I was really feeling.

I am going to stop looking for ways out, for back doors, for escape routes.

And that’s what I’m *really* tired of. My habit of looking for a reason ahead of time why something won’t work so I can shrug my shoulders and say, “I tried. But….”

No more BUTS. No more TRIED.

That’s the circle, the cycle, I’ve been stuck in.

Anytime I find something that really has the power to change me for the better, I RUN from it. And I know why, I have a whole history of explanations, but I’m so tired of it ruling my life.

It’s my life.

The old habits got me here. They won’t get me out. Time for new ones.

I already overhauled a lot of my life this last year. And I should nod to the HUGE changes and progress I’ve made. It’s time to do some fine tuning now.

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4 responses to “There is no try.

  1. nadeaujl5 April 22, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Jen, these posts really had my choked up. You are so strong to realize that you have complete control…that takes so much strength!! I am so impressed by all that you have done for yourself in the last year…don’t ever forget to notice that! Even when it seems no one is on your side…who cares…YOU are on your side..and YOU know what you have done! Keep it up girl! See you tomorrow at Nick’s morning ritual at 5:30 🙂

  2. Black Sheep April 22, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Good. Because I was crying when I wrote it. =)

    I’m super scared, but I have FAITH that things will CHANGE. Today is the day.

  3. Michelle Glauser April 22, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Well, good luck with that. Because I’m looking for a way out and have been for a while. And I know perfectly logically that that’s how I always react and I should learn to do it differently at some point, but when that’s what makes me finally comfortable, when that’s what distracts me enough to love it for a while, why not?

    I’m really thinking I’m escaping to the loneliest/cheapest hut I can find in the next few weeks. No joke.

  4. Black Sheep April 22, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    It’s going to be a life time work in progress. I’m going to try and respond a little better each day. Little changes. Daily. That’s my goal.

    And it’s taken me making this decision many times in the past to come to where I am now today. And it will take many more decisions like this one in the future for continued growth.

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