a girl and her boy

. daily life : wool obsession : bibliomania : living on purpose .

Re-Imaging

Commenting on Beautifully Strong today reminded me that I have some things I’ve been meaning to work out through writing. At one point, I had intended this blog as a place to post semi-polished thought experiments and reflections, it still is, but I plan on including ideas that are in process, too.

This past year has been one of the hardest, but best, years of my life. I have written about it off and on, and in varying levels of detail on this and my previous blog. Quick recap:  This time last  year, I was married but not happy. So, I separated from my husband. A few weeks later, I learned that I would not be returning to the school I had been teaching at. Having BPD and PTSD, this sent me headlong into a manic phase where I practically stopped eating, started exercising more than was healthy, and engaged in various coping methods of varying health ratings. (Read that as I was pretty much all over the charts.) Somehow, I managed to keep myself out of serious trouble, and made my way to Boston where I began putting my life back together.

All in all, I’m in a good place considering everything. However, I have a few things I have to work on. And these things are challenging, to say the least.

When I became manic and stopped eating, I lost close to 23 lbs. Granted, I was about 8 lbs. off my healthy weight because of where I was mentally and emotionally last winter, so I really lost about 15 lbs. that I didn’t really need to lose. Good thing:  I was still in my healthy range. Bad thing:  I wasn’t eating and I lost the weight too quickly. When my life became more emotionally stable and my eating habits improved, I gained the weight back quickly as fat. I still fit in my clothes, but I don’t feel healthy or my best because, one, I had grown accustomed to being at a lower weight, and two, I had developed a mild eating disorder. One of my health goals for my 28th year is to achieve well-being and balance with my eating and exercise habits. I hope to attain that lower weight again, but I want to do it slowly and healthfully this time.

I’m lucky that I have two great friends who are inspirations to achieving health and fitness:  Amy and Jen. Amy, as you know from the last post, got me out running two years ago and we’re running a 10k in the spring. And Jen inspires me with her own fitness and eating changes.

Re-creating a healthy self-image will be difficult, but will be done.

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One response to “Re-Imaging

  1. nadeaujl5 December 31, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    Jen, you are definitely impressive. You have been through so much this year, and you’re still a ray of sunshine. Keep plugging away at this, and you WILL reach your goals. I know it!!

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