A New Starting Point
September 21, 2009
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This past week has got me thinking, really thinking. I’ve been thinking about interpersonal relationships, about personal history, about abuse and trauma, about healing, and about home. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but here’s what I have for now.
Being an adult survivor of multiple types of abuse during childhood and adolescence is really hard and really sucks (yes, I would totally tell my students to use a different adjective, to extend and expand their vocabulary, but if the word fits, use it!). I have baggage and issues that no one should have to deal with. I keep going through cycles where I think I have it figured out, worked out, but then I land flat on my face and have to rebuild ground up. And that’s where I am right now. Flat on the ground, picking myself up out of the mud, and counting the bruises that need healing.
I’m not going into details of what happened. That’s not necessary. But what is necessary, and I’ve only recently come to realize, is that being a survivor of abuse and trauma is not a character flaw. It’s not something I did wrong and need to repent of. And that’s how I have felt for twenty-seven years.
It’s taken years of journaling, of trying various medications, and of therapy that I thought wasn’t working to get to this point.