a girl and her boy

. daily life : wool obsession : bibliomania : living on purpose .

What do you want?

image from ^riza^ on flickr

image from ^riza^ on flickr

Ever since the separation took place, I’ve been asking myself, and have been asked, “what do you want?”

I keep answering, “I don’t know.”

That’s always been my answer though. I want everything, but nothing. I want something but am not sure what it is.

I realized today that I do know what I want, I’ve always wanted it, and it’s very simple.

I want to be appreciated, loved, and safe. That’s really it. Those are the mountains.

The hills of what I want are:  to be the best English teacher I can be; find a community to settle down in that supports me as a person and as a professional; live in one place for more than 2 years (it would be a record!), and by in one place, I mean in one home; to travel within and without the U. S.; to develop my spirituality and deepen my practice; to become a healer; to publish one of the many novels I’ve written; to continue to set and obtain new goals; to be married to someone who wants to be married to me.

The stones of what I want are:  to work through my list of books to read; to knit and knit some more; to increase my running ability; to get into better shape; to find a place to live this summer after I obtain a new teaching position; to settle in and make my new place my home; to have a gun dog named Adelaide, Ade for short; to have a cat named Niea.

I’m taking it one day at a time and one step at a time. I’m making sure to show the loved ones in my life how much they mean to me by word and deed. And I’m trying to make sure I don’t slide backwards like I keep wanting to do.

“Go back?” [s]he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible. Go forward? The only thing to do. On we go!” So up [s]he got.

– Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, ch. 5.

(The image in today’s post is from ^riza^’s photostream on Flickr.)

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6 responses to “What do you want?

  1. Holly May 11, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    That’s all you can do Jen — take it one day at a time. And when taking it one day at a time seems to be too much, you take it minute by minute. It’s great to have short and term long goals set in place and to work towards. You will get to be where you want to be and need to be in only a short matter of time. It will seem like a really long time but in the realm concept of time, it will not be that long after all.

  2. Patty May 11, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Gorgeous photograph and great insight. One day at a time is a journey in itself. You can do it! And I’ll take inspiration from your journey seeing as I’m not such a ‘one day at a time’ girl myself!

  3. Kirsten M. May 11, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Wow Jen. Great post. The first step to reaching our dreams is to figure out what we want. Looks like you’re well on your way!

  4. Jen May 11, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Thank you Holly, Patty, and Kirsten for your words of love and support! I know my posts have been somber of late, but you must know that I am actually quite optimistic and happy in my day to day interactions. I should write about that, too, huh. 🙂

  5. Monica May 12, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Jen… I know the world most look bleak at times, but you truly are an inspiration. Your posts, your stories, are great and inspiring. Life is hard, there is no doubt about that. Trials arise everyday and knock us down. I know they do for me quite often. I know we haven’t seen or talked in a few years…but I know how difficult it is to get through the day some days.. So if you ever need or want to talk. I’m a great listener. Sometimes I even have great advice, just never take my own advice! Always, the way really right?? Keep your head up high, and the rest will come in time!

    Love,
    Monica

  6. LittleWit May 15, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Your goals sound completely reasonable and attainable. I like how you have them delineated. Perhaps I should sit down and write mine out. 🙂

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