This week was the first week back after a long break of 12 days. I didn’t realize how much I needed those 12 days until about midway through when I realized I wasn’t clenching my jaw and racewalking everywhere. It was nice to be able to relax and take it easy. My serious relaxing helped me get to the point where I feel optimistic and energized again. I lost that verve around the time of that SAT training. (remember that horrific few weeks? A few friends thought I was ready to quit my job and walk away! They weren’t too far off.) Right up until break, I was in survival mode. I wasn’t necessarily doing what was best for me or for the students. And that didn’t make me feel too good about myself. Vicious cycle, you know.
But I took it easy and now I LOVE getting up in the morning. Well, no, that isn’t true, but I do look forward to each school day now. And what more, I’m actually prepared and ready for it! I had this major break through where I learned how to do my job effectively. It’s weird. It’s like looking at those magic eye posters and all you see at first is this chaos of colors and dots; then it happens: you see the sailboat. I sit down at my desk at the end of the day and I know what I have to do, and not only know it, but can do it and do it well now. It’s nice.
So that’s the day job that helps me afford my habits. You know the one of which I speak: wool. Lots and lots of wool and knitting. I started a new scarf using a simple lacy leaf column pattern in Lion Brand Fishermen’s Wool. I love the pattern and I’m enjoying the wool. But, this is my second semi-successful lace project and I have learned first hand the wisdom of lifelines. I have ripped the same 20 rows out, back down to casting on, three times now. I have to cast on again and get going on it. Believe you me, I’m going to put that lifeline in every 8 rows, or as needed, religiously!
As I mentioned in the previous post, I got running again. Boy did I need to get running again. I couldn’t fit into my work pants that I bought last winter because I couldn’t fit into my pants. That’s a problem. Damn you! holiday food and your delicious calorie-rich habit-forming varieties! I’ve had my eating back on track for two weeks now and I’ve seen some improvement in the waistline, but the bands are still a little tight. I’m hoping that I’ll be back into my pants comfortably by the end of the month. I’ve got 20 days.
I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I’m feeling better overall. There’s another contributor to this change: I stopped my birth control. Ever since I began birth control back in 2000, I was never able to stay on any one for more than 8 months because of the side effects. And I’m talking about more than gaining weight and breaking out for a little bit. All birth control makes me depressed, and some make me ride a rollercoaster of emotions. The one I just quit, for the better!, was the latter. For the entire 6 months I was on it, I was, for all intents and purposes, insane. I’d cry, mope, get pissy, or dispondent for no reason at all. It was awful. And it’s always the worst when I’m about 3 months into it. And I was at month three when the SAT training hit. No wonder I was so messed up. I started the BC this last time because I have ovarian cysts and they were getting painful again. Unfortunately, the common method of treating them, namely BC, simply does not work for me. I’m going to be hitting the natural and holistic book section of the library here pretty quick because the hormones in the pills simply do not mix well with me.
Like I mentioned, I feel great. I stopped the BC pill two months ago and I feel like I have control over my life again. The running and getting better at my job only helps boost my esteem. It’s onward and upward!