A side effect of preparing a list of lifetime goals and new year resolutions: one ends up meditating on the past. This I have done in abundance the last few days. In order for me to choose goals, I must list what I have accomplished, which is much, since high school (2000):
I have learned, in breadth and depth, the intricacies of human relationships.
I have written several volumes of poetry that are worthy of publication, but have chosen not to publish at this time.
I have accrued, then paid off, a large amount of debt.
I have grown up and into myself.
I have made peace with my body. (It feels wonderful to write that!)
I have developed a wonderful relationship with a man I will marry soon.
I have increased my knitting skills and accomplishments exponentially over the last 8 years.
I have made peace with my dark past.
I have kept in contact with amazing friends over the years and through many manifestations of self.
I have discovered who I am and not what the world wants me to be. Some people seek this truth their whole lives.
I am content with the quiet moments now; I don’t seek to fill them with noise by way of destructive habits or actions.
I have read more books than I can even begin to name, and have learned to distinguish what it is that makes a great writer.
I have developed the desire to never stop learning and improving.
I have earned a BA and a MA.
I have begun building my career in education.
That’s quite a list. I’m impressed and awed when I think back on everything I have done these past 8 years. I crawled out of my dark hole and found a comfortable space to occupy under the sun. For those who do not know, I survived physical and emotional abuse at home, sexual assault/repeated rape, and poverty on top of the already difficult phases of adolescence and early adulthood. The accomplishment I’m most proud of? I’m not angry anymore.