the many-shaped void
December 5, 2007
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There has been a distinct void in my life for the last 3-1/2 weeks. It is in the shape of close colleagues and friends, Allan, Mr. Fish, a sense of purpose, and self-motivation. Nowadays, I get home from school and I immediately feel the urge to eat everything in the house to fill this void. Every 10 seconds I have to reign in an urge to get some calorie-rich drink or snack. Despite running 3 to 4 times a week 1-2 miles, I’ve managed to put on 3 lbs. (definitely not muscle!).
This feeling of absence was only increased by the snow day yesterday. I had a whole day to knit, watch movies, drink hot chocolate, and catch up on school work, and I did all those things, but the ever-present void was there – and I couldn’t even put a name to it until yesterday.
If you’ve seen Lost in Translation, think about Scarlett Johansen’s character and you’ll have a good idea of what I’m talking about. That’s how I feel these days.