a girl and her boy

. daily life : wool obsession : bibliomania : living on purpose .

Can't keep it a secret any longer . . .

I was going to keep it a secret, but my gut is really upset and I need to share: I have an interview for a full-time teaching job at Monmouth Academy today at 4:30. This is probably TMI but I don’t care — I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and stress and unusual circumstances are one of my major triggers. I’m experiencing major symptoms right now because of all the stress of not knowing — not knowing how the interview will go, if I’ll find a place to live if I do, what I’ll do with my student loans if I don’t get the job, etc. If I get this job, which I hope I do, I’ll be moving out of my apartment with my fiance in Orono and moving to Monmouth, Maine, two hours down the interstate. I’d have my first teaching job, but I’d be without my Allan.

I don’t remember where I heard this, but I once heard that hope and anxiety are essentially the same thing. I know that to be true now.

If I get the job, I’ll be moving very soon. If I don’t, I’ll be waiting on those sub calls daily again. If I get the job, I don’t have to worry about my student loans, but I will have fend off loneliness during the long winter months to come. There’s so much to gain, and so much to lose. Overall, I’ll be happier if I get the job because we’ll be one step closer to our long-term goals (you know, house, car, pets, etc). If I don’t, we’ll be set back a few years because we’ll have to play catch up with our savings and my loans.

I’ll post more on this later. I should finish getting my materials ready to go.

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